Out of the Saltshaker....

       (Originally written a few years ago, but never sent out, I am posting this now, having rediscovered it this am)

     It's been quite awhile since I last blogged. I have been getting ready for a medical mission trip to Haiti and have mainly been communicating on facebook of late. Some of you may notice that, from time to time on facebook, my comments may run counter to what the prevailing majority of the commentators are saying. I have been 'scolded' for this at times, as some people do not understand why I don't simply remain silent rather than say something that might upset others.....I have been thinking about this the last few days, and asking the Lord to reveal to me if He is of the opinion that I should be quiet during such times as well. I surely do not wish to be argumentative just for the sake of argument. I want to be liked, as much as the next person. But I am a Christian. I am not perfect, and do not always live up to even my own expectations, let alone God's expectations of me. However, I am called to strive towards the goal of being one whom the world can come to know God through. Alot of the time, therefore, when I comment online, it is to insert into the conversation what God has to say on a given subject--because frankly few read their Bibles today, and honestly do not know what He says. So, when I asked the Lord yesterday to show me what He thought about my comments, you know what happened? I had the word "Salt" run across my mind......and I remembered that Jesus had said to His disciples, "You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has become tasteless, how will it be made salty again? It is good for nothing anymore, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men..." Now, what is THAT supposed to mean???

     Salt is a substance that is used to stop the progress of decay. If we want to preserve our fish so that they do not spoil, we salt them, etc. Jesus said His disciples were to be ones in society who he would insert into the midst of the world to stop the decay around them. That happens all the time. When a Christian enters a room where just a few minutes ago a dirty joke was being told, usually, upon his entering, the conversation becomes more hushed, or stops altogether. Sometimes I have even had people apologize to me under such circumstances. I used to reply, "don't apologize to me, I am a sinner too"---but I gradually came to realize I shouldn't do that; I should just allow the Holy Spirit to convict them of their sin by my presence--and be grateful they recognize me as one who bears the Lord's Name....

      Along those lines, therefore, I have felt obligated as a Christian, to speak up online, when I have smelled the decay of sin in things people say. It doesn't matter the topic. I merely have tried to ingest the truths of the gospel into such conversations. It has definitely NOT always been welcomed. Please do not feel I am judging you if I ever add something to the conversation that stings a little. I only mean to tell you what God's Word says about it----and preserve you from a decaying path......

Heavenly GPS

 Life's plans are all in the Lord's hands.; and He doesn't always turn things out the way we expect.

I am in Texas--only I have not moved here. I am here on a 12 week leave of absence from work, to help care for my elderly parents. I have not found success in my job search here--nor do the kinds of LVN jobs here pay anywhere near what I am used to, or need to make to  properly support myself.  So the plan for now is to return home to CT the last week of June and go back to work there starting July 2. My sister will retire July 1 and begin to care full- time for my parents. I will continue to work and save money, and see what happens from there. 

In the meantime, life as my mom's caregiver has been much busier than one would anticipate.  I have rarely had a chance to sit quietly long enough to collect my thoughts, so have not written much to friends or family up til now. It is after 11:00 pm as I write--as everyone else is finally asleep. The quiet solitude is healing; I have needed it.

I'd like to say that I know how this story ends--but I don't. Texas is not home to me--despite my love of my relatives here. However, CT is also lonely since the majority of my closest family have moved away. As I age, it is probably wisest for me to live nearer my relatives---but without a good job opening up--I can support myself better in CT than in TX. I have a home in CT among friends and co-workers--but will they be there for me as I age? Probably not. So much of life is maleable.  So I turn to the only One who knows how things are meant to turn out, and pray--"dear Lord, please steer me in the right direction, so I don't miss the road I am meant to travel." I am comforted by the lines of a poem by Margaret S. Fellows--

"He shall come to meet me
at each turning of the way
from there direct my footsteps
lest I falter, go astray.
Unto me it is not given
all the details now to know;
'tis enough that He has promised--
and my heart cries, 'even so' ....(Matt 11:26)

A Mid-Life Move

I'm moving to Texas.....

I can hardly believe it is true myself, but it is. Most of my family have gradually been moving there over the last 16 years, and been hankering me to join them. They have been very persistant--but I have kept my heels dug in as it has never been my desire to move there. "Too hot, too flat, too dry, too brown," has been my mantra.... I like green rolling hills and a cool breeze from the ocean....and I really love Connecticut. Besides, I'm 54 now, and it is late in life to be making a new start. Still, (and I can't believe I am writing this)-- I am moving to Texas. My parents are elderly and getting frail, and in greater need of assistance. Although I have siblings there who are caring for them, they also are getting on in years, and need others to share the load. These same siblings have cared for me my entire life and never asked for anything from me in return---now they need me to help them care for our parents; Our parents who never once took a vacation, because they needed the money more, to raise their 9 kids. As their lives showed us--sometimes convenience and personal desires need to be sacrificed on the altar of a greater love. So, though it is painful to burn the bridges to all one has known and move to a strange place late in life, it is a sacrifice worth making. Real love is known by the willingness to sacrifice. -----and I love my family.

At 54, most people are grandparents who are well settled into their communities and family lives and would never consider a move so late in life. I hear them----they are spouting the same arguments against such a move, as I have been rehearsing to myself and my siblings for the last 16 years. The truth however, is that I am still single and it is time for me to come up with a game plan for the later years of my life. How could I ever expect my family to help care for me later, if I am unwilling to upset my own apple cart and help them in their need now? I have to give if I ever expect to receive. Also, if I am ever going to make such a move it needs to be now while I am still in good enough health to do so, and young enough to still get out to make new friends. Thus, you see the wisdom in my making the move at this time.

I have completed the process and obtained my Texas Nursing license. Now I'm in pursuit of employment there. So far, it looks like it will be approximately a $12.00 an hour pay cut.... I know, I know--I can hardly believe it myself. I hope to be able to negotiate for a slightly better deal, but come what may, I will bite the bullet and go. I am just awaiting the firm offer from the company that is pursuing me. So it may be only a month or so before I leave. I am hoping for the end of March, to have less chance of having to move in a snowstorm. That wouldn't be good....but might help me be more willing to leave...

In some ways it is exciting to be making a new start. One never knows what could come of such a move. Friends I never would have known otherwise, a new language (Y'all), and a new gastronomical experience---(did anyone say hot sauce?) City life will be an eye-opener I am sure, as I have never even lived in a suburb before. The shopping will be phenomonal--if I am only offered a decent paycheck---and liked shopping. (Which I don't). Still, I look forward to the big sky sunsets, the sight of horses in the open, and the men in cowboy hats and pick-up trucks. I have been getting prepared by listening to more country music, and have a growing fondness for Keith Urban and Alan Jackson. I think I will adjust in time, just fine, thank you. Now, if only I could find a way to protect my fair Irish skin from the intense sun and heat, besides living indoors in air conditioning.....

It will take some time, to find my way, and feel confortable there, but I intend to explore this new world slowly, and find my place in it. Surely if the Lord is bringing me there, it is for His own good purposes, and I'll need to look to Him to show me what they are. I suspect my next series of blogs will be all about the actual move and the strange new world of Texas that I'll have discovered as well as my reactions to it. Should be interesting, to say the least. I'll keep you posted

On Earth, As it Is In Heaven

While very interested in many points made in the recent news about the recent Occupy Wall Street movement, I want to make a point I am not hearing from most Christians. My point is this: regardless of one's political party (and I, as a Christian, am Independent), regardless how you feel about the OWS movement as a whole, it is VITAL that the Christian Church, whether Catholic or Protestant---acknowledge that within this protest one can hear the voice of our Heavenly Father crying out against the oppression of the poor, on the side of the marginalized in our society. One need only read the Prophets to know that EVERY CRY FOR JUSTICE AND EQUITY IS THE SOUND OF OUR FATHER'S VOICE!!! If we continue to refuse to acknowledge the concerns of this movement; many of which ARE INDEED LEGITIMATE (out of fear of being misunderstood, or our comments being taken out of context or exploited in some way)--- and continue to call what is good within it, evil--we will lose those in the mix who are genuinely seeking an honest and just solution to a complex problem. We will shut their ears and their hearts to the call of the Kingdom of God--because we will force them to equate the Church with being on the side of injustice. That, my friends will be the biggest loss of all. The Church of Jesus Christ has a tremendous opportunity, and indeed a RESPONSIBILITY to bring the cry of the Gospel to bear upon this movement---to cry out for equity and justice along WITH the movement--but then to point them in the only direction that will actually take them nonviolently TO that place of Justice and Equity. The Kingdom of God--which is the Kingdom of God's Justice and Righteousness. When John the Baptist came preaching in Israel in preparation for the advent of the ministry of Jesus the Messiah---he did so not merely by calling for repentance; he told them some very specific ways in which they were to go about that repentance. He said, "If YOU have 2 coats, give one to him who has none." (Luke 3:10-14) He did not say--if Herod has 2 coats give one to him who has none. He put the responsibility for change squarely on the shoulders of each of his hearers. He did not say Herod was not responsible for oppressing the people or that Herod need not change (In fact He himself called for Herod to repent of some specific scandalous sins to his face, risking death to do so)--but he put it to the people that great change is the result of everyone making the little changes THEY are capable and responsible to God to make for themselves. Society as a whole will only change when you and I are willing to change. John the Baptist didn't go about calling others to repent until he himself had become willing to live at subsistance level himself, with faith in God for his provision. Only then did God use him as His mouthpiece to call others to surrender to the call of the Kingdom of God. That my friends is the roll of the Church, as God's prophets. If we continue to refuse to perform our role in this society--refusing to call the wealthy to remember the poor, to do justly and righteously with the wealth they have been entrusted with, God will indeed raise up a rabble if He must to bring His message to them and to the masses. This movement has risen up because the Church has failed in it's God-given-role as His mouthpiece. Plain and simple. WE are the ones who need to repent of our apathy, to repent for failing to act in the Lord's name for the cause of justice in the name of the oppressed. Perhaps if we take this call seriously there may still be time for the Lord to forgive and bless us, and the country we so love. If we refuse to repent, and acknowledge what IS right within this movement, you can be guaranteed we will lose this generation to the enemies who have already infiltrated it, and who will turn these sincere seekers against Jesus Christ-- as they will no longer believe He stands for Justice. God forbid that we continue to profane His Holy and Just Name, and grant us all true repentance, for the glory of His name and the advancement of his Kingdom 'on earth, as it is in Heaven'.

All Tied up in The Wireless Net.

Having accomplished the first goal I set out to achieve in setting up my blog, I am sitting in Borders sipping coffee, and able to write my blog wireless from somewhere other than my computer desk at home. This victory has not come without its defeats. Just today I failed to get my new laser mouse to work with my desktop computer, and had to temporarily buy a new wired one until I can figure out the problem. I also tried to set up a router so I could use my new laptop wirelessly at home, but it also has not connected for some reason; forcing me to still have to plug in my laptop at home. I did manage to get Norton 360.4 working on my old desktop this morning, (just in time to prevent the yearly meltdown when my annual subscription expires). I found, however, that I'd assumed wrongly about the new technology, and I'm not able to go wireless anywhere I wanted, without first paying $100.00 connection fee (plus a two year contract) as well as a $60.00 monthly fee to be able to buy the kind of technological freedom I was hoping for when I started this venture. A two year contract....sounded like a committment that I was unwilling to make. After all, why should I have to 'tie myself down' to a company for two years to get freedom of movement? Didn't sound so freeing to me afterall, but more like a new form of bondage. I said ''no thank you" to the clerk who was attempting to sell me these new chains, and left the store with my independence still somewhat intact. I headed to Borders quite defeated, to buy one of those "computers for dummies" books, hoping to drown my sorrows in a hazelnut coffee, while attempting to learn the answer to the many technological mysteries I'd encountered. You can therefore imagine my delight, when, upon approaching the store, I saw a large sign in the window offering free Wi-Fi to all customers!.... What a concept!! Thus, I sit here triumphantly sipping my coffee, dreaming of a day in the future when I can venture beyond the borders of 'Borders' to bring you my latest blog. In the meantime, the coffee is great, the store has some amazing books for dummies like myself on a variety of topics, and I'm able to get out of the house... I'm happy to celebrate any small victories I can manage in attempting to survive the current technological onslaught. If you are ever in Borders, come have a coffee with me, and let's swap war stories.....

~Weeding Carrots~

In an attempt to beat the heat and humidity we were scheduled to get today, I got up very early this morning and went into my garden to get some weeding done before the sun came up very high. The grass was still wet from the rain the night before, and the neighborhood was quite peaceful with everyone else still enjoying their Saturday sleep-in time. The birds joined me in having an early morning song of gratitude to God, for His goodness and provision.
I have writtten about my garden before; back when it was still an idealistic beginning of a dream. Now, it was overrun with weeds, stunting the growth of the plants I had worked so hard to put in. We have had several weeks now of unusual heat and humidity; and though I have faithfully watered my garden every evening (due to the lack of rain) I have greatly neglected to keep up with the weeds, which had now taken over. I just didn't have the energy after working all day to face not just the work of weeding, but weeding in the heat. I was determined this morning, however, to make an attempt to regain some control.
I started, as is my nature, with what was easiest; the tomato plants. They are still producing their fruit for me, and deserved my attention. Their stalks are also large enough to easily distinguish them from the weeds around them. After the tomatoes, I spent the next half hour or so bent over hoeing around the eggplants, broccoli, green peppers and green onions. Way back in the corner, however, I knew my true challenge awaited me; the carrots. I saved them for last. I had planted them close together in 4 rows, and now I was paying the price, as they were too close together for me to hoe. I had to get on my hands and knees and painstakingly pluck out one weed at a time, lest I accidently pull up the carrots with the weeds.
Down on my knees, next to my carrots, I got to thinking; so much of my heart was represented in that patch of earth. Sometimes it is very very hard to tell the difference between what is good fruit, and what are just plain weeds. We THINK we are serving God. We are doing all the right things, we even have our good deeds pilled up high and packed in close together---but closer still will always be the weeds of wrong motives, selfish intentions, and self-righteousness. These are always at the ready to choke out and render lifeless what we had planted for God in hope. It is easier to just do the regular watering; read the Word, sing songs, go to church when expected. We don't like the uncomfortable heat of the nitty-gritty of weeding. We want to assume we will get the same abundant fruit if we just keep watering and leave the weeds alone. But the sad fact is, we won't. I did manage to accidently pull up a few stunted carrots as I was weeding. They were pathetically small compared to what I had expected by now. I got what I had worked for, however as I hadn't been willing to put in the labor intensive work required to get the good and abundant fruit. Now I was paying the price--pulling up weeds that were larger than the fruit I had anticipated. Was my heart like that as well? Lord, have I been neglecting the hard work of confession and repentance; all the while assuming my spiritual life would still thrive with steady watering with the Word? Have I been unwilling to get down to the nitty-gritty with you and try to distinguish what my true motivations were behind my good deeds, so you could uproot the inpure intentions, and clean up my heart? Was I now reaping the chocked out life our Lord spoke of, which I had sown? (Matt 13:22)
Oh Lord, here I am. A stunted child of yours, ready to be overrun by the weeds in my own heart. Help me to see; to distinguish between what is that which will bring true fruit, and what will only kill the seed in the end. Cause me to put in the hard work required to pull things out by the roots, so you can revive me. Revive me, Holy Spirit. Bring your scorching heat of noon, and allow all that was never planted by you to dry up and wither in the brightness of your sun. And bring on the showers of your grace and love, that I might drink in again of your goodness and kindness, and rise high in the fields to bear you the good fruit you intented me to bring forth for your glory. Amen.

25 of my Favorite Things

When I was in high school, I was in the school production of the musical, "The Sound of Music". One song had the line, "these are a few of my favorite things" which listed a long line of favorite things. I had that song in my head for some reason tonight, so thought I would give you an example of 25 things I'd have named if I had to make such a list.
1) the smell of Lilacs in bloom
2) the beach by moonlight
3) a fresh word from the Lord
4) poetry that is phrased just right
5) well written literature
6) a good turn of phrase/ puns
7) the fresh smell of clothes from the clothesline
8) the calming sound of a babbling brook over rocks
9) the happy laughter/squeels of children
10) a manly man......
11) melodious guitar music
12) A day to myself with no obligations
13) long scenic drives /exploring unknown roads
14) the majesty of mountains
15) waterfalls
16) Warm tomatoes fresh off the vine
17) The softness of cashmere & fluid flow of silk
18) The sweet smell of freshly mowed grass & wood smoke
19) The colors blue and green
20) a hot cup of Earl Grey tea with honey
21) footrubs & backrubs
22) intellectually stimulating conversations /documentaries
23) the hush and beauty of the silence after a newly fallen snow
24) sleeping until I'm no longer tired/waking rested
25) A long road trip alone--at my own pace--singing along with the radio...

What are your favorite things?